Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Sebastian Shaw (actor)/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 01:15, 11 September 2008 [1].

Sebastian Shaw (actor)[edit]

Nominator(s): Hunter Kahn (talk)


I'm nominating this article for featured article because it has gone through the peer review process, I believe it's as thorough as possible and it meets all the criteria. Thanks! Hunter Kahn (talk) 07:27, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]


  • No fair use rationales on most copyrighted images! Fasach Nua (talk) 12:51, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Otherwise sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:03, 30 August 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Jimfbleak An interesting read, but...

  • Shaw died of natural causes at age 89 in 1994. – why is this in the lead? We know the year, can work out the age, but still don’t know what he died of. Might have been appropriate if he’d been murdered. - Jim
    • I dropped the sentence and just briefly mention his death in the next sentence. Better? -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:30, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Actor Charles Laughton enrolled in the Academy the same time as Shaw; Shaw later said his first impression of Laughton was "a poor fat boy"[3] and said his fellow students initially felt sympathetic toward him, until they were quickly impressed with his talent. – A snake, needs splitting -Jim
  • No, Although Shaw and his fellow students initially felt sympathetic toward Laughton, until they were quickly impressed with his talent - until doesn't make sense, what about ... felt sympathy for Laughton, they were quickly impressed by his talent?. - Jim
  • The interpretation was criticized at the time but, years later, critics would say it became the accepted approach to the character. – woolly, did it become the accepted approach, or did critics say it might?
    • I took this from this statement in the cited Seaton article: "He showed Hal inwardly regretting having to part company with the self-indulgent Falstaff, accepting new responsibilities in kingship at the sacrifice of old pleasures. Today, this is the accepted approach." Do you think it's a fair wording based on that? If not, what would you suggest it read instead? -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:30, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Still weaselly, what about His interpretation was criticised at the time but, years later, was seen as the standard approach to the character. - Jim
  • Margaret Delamere passed away; - died is the word you’re looking for, this isn't a church magazine -Jim
  • Overlinking - do we really need links for words like diary and married? Please check through - Jim
  • Shaw was painted in the nude by his nephew, Brian Ocean. Nevertheless, ... - Nevertheless, like However is rarely a good idea. Where is the contrast between being painted and getting sick?
  • House of Dreams. I fixed the table error, but that means the role he played needs adding. - Jim
    • I don't have the role for that one, so it'll have to stay blank. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:30, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I couldn't find it either, is it worth putting unknown in the box, otherwise you'll be asked again? jimfbleak (talk) 05:58, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Maralia I fixed a few typos and simple grammar issues. Some further cleanup needed:

  • Use endashes, rather than hyphens, in date ranges and page ranges.
    • These were just in the first paragraph and in the references, right? Got those... -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:30, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • There were a couple in the infobox also, but I've just fixed them. Maralia (talk) 20:31, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Overlinking: many simple concepts don't need linking, i.e. marriage, mother, husband, 1980s, television.
  • Poem titles should usually be given in quotes, not italics.
    • Switched. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:30, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • Better, but the commas need to be moved outside the quote marks now. Maralia (talk) 20:31, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
        • I've crossed this out as completed, but on further reflection I don't think the names of the poems should be listed at all; are they really relevant? Maralia (talk) 03:25, 3 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
          • Well, they're original works by Sebastian, I personally think they're worth including. -- Hunter Kahn (talk) 04:55, 4 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The subject should be referred to by his last name; I see quite a few instances of 'Sebastian Shaw'.
  • What is the relation of the listed survivors Susan Bonner-Morgan and Penelope Harness?
  • Apparent contradiction in lead: "Shaw appeared in more than 40 film and television productions, but was mostly known for dozens of stage performances" vs "Shaw is most widely known for his brief, but important performance in Return of the Jedi".
  • EngVar: I would expect to see British English here. I do see 'theatre' but I also see 'colored', 'recognized', 'criticized', and 'utilized'.

Your citations are in excellent shape; kudos for doing them manually. Thanks for an interesting article. Maralia (talk) 02:03, 1 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Concerns 1) Many sections in "Biography" are small, one paragraph or so. Combine into larger sections. 2) Some of the subsections about Return of the Jedi could be given their own section (like the digital touchups of the movie), as they aren't actually "biography". Ottava Rima (talk) 18:12, 7 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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