Talk:Capture of Malolos

Suggestions

G'day, good work so far with this article. I have assessed it as start class. I have the following suggestions for improvement:

• the infobox mentions Antonio Luna, but who he was and his role in the battle should be added to the body of the article;
• the infobox also mentions a number of US commanders, so they should also be introduced in the body of the article, if they are relevant;
• the infobox mentions strengths and casualties, but these should be added to the body of the article and citations should be added for the strengths;
• more context should be provided about what happened before the battle, for example what was the military situation leading up to it, who were the opposing forces, what preparations were made, etc. This could be done by adding a Background and or Prelude section/s;
• an Aftermath section should be added detailing the casualties that were incurred, reactions to the result and what happened next in the campaign;
• in terms of grammar/language there are a few sentences that don't quite make sense, for example:
  • "Funston and his unit then gave cheers and informed that Malolos...". Do you mean "gave chase"? Also, informed who?
  • "It was also stated that Filipino garrisons in the North can not be prejudiced" --> this uses incorrect tense. "can not" should be "could not" as it happened in the past. Additionally, the sentence itself should be reworded. Modern readers won't understand the meaning of "prejudiced" here.

If you are able to cover off on these points, I would be happy to take another look at the article. Alternatively, if you would like a second opinion on the assessment, please list it at WP:MHA. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 07:04, 8 September 2012 (UTC)

• G'day, good work with adding to this. I've done a little copy editing. Could you please check that I haven't changed your meaning too much? In terms of covering off on the above points, I think you've got most of them, except mentioning the strengths of the two forces in the article (10,000-15,000 Americans and 5,000 Filipinos), and introducing Hale and Wheaton in the text of the article. They are mentioned in the infobox, but just what role they played is not articulated in the body of the article. I wonder also if you couldn't work in material from the American official history, but that isn't really necessary for a B class rating, although you would probably want to add that if going towards GA. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 10:14, 20 September 2012 (UTC)