@G. Moore: I will cross out my comments when they are sorted, please feel free to comment on them, and apologies in advance if I make any errors! Amitchell125 (talk) 08:00, 29 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Lead section/infobox
(comment about expanding the lead moved further down the page)
Unlink London in both the lead section and the infobox (see MOS:OL). -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
I would unlink suffragists, as at present it incorrectly links to National Union of Women's Suffrage Societies (and not all the women at the hospital would have belonged to that organisation). Consider amending the end of the sentence to ‘...entirely staffed by women who supported women's suffrage.
...was established during the First World War… - ‘during the First World War’ is redundant and needs to be removed. -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
...by Doctors… - ‘...by the medical pioneers…’ is more accurate.
This title is unnecessary. I would remove it and make the subsequent level 3 sections (from 1.1 to 1.8) into level 2 sections. -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
Hospital
The title doesn't describe the section adequately. Consider amending the title to something like ‘Location’.
Changed to Establishment -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
The image is stunning—and I would swap it with the black and white photograph used in the infobox, as the b/w one is imo more relevant for this section.
Switched -- Talk to G Moore 03:46, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
I would link 'Union Workhouse', not just Workhouse. -- Talk to G Moore 03:04, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
located is redundant. -- Talk to G Moore 03:06, 1 October 2020 (UTC) -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
A majority of the hospital equipment… - should be ‘Most of the hospital equipment…’. -- Talk to G Moore 03:08, 1 October 2020 (UTC) -- Talk to G Moore 03:10, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
...which was shut down because of a lack of patients as well as a destination change for injured soldiers from France to England. - this needs to be copy edited to improve the prose.
... in close proximity to… - ‘… close to…’. -- Talk to G Moore 03:13, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
There were hundreds of stations throughout the city, so this word would be confusing. I would replace it with something like 'main railway stations'.
...when the convoys arrived. - this sounds as if the convoys deliberately arrived during the night – am I correct?
The convoys often arrived at night with as many as 80 soldiers. Reworded. -- Talk to G Moore 03:35, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
The women doctors performed upwards of 7,000 operations during that time. is not verified by Ref 3 (BBC).
Changed to 20 operations per day as verified by Geddes. Dormskirk (talk) 16:18, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Staff
The subsections 'Staff', 'Women's Hospital Corps', 'The Women's Social and Political Union influence at Endell Street Military Hospital', 'Tension with the Royal Army Medical Corps', 'Contributions' and '1918 flu pandemic' are all short sections and need to be replaced by a single title ('The staff', or something similar).
At Endell Street, these women worked in what was considered female-appropriate jobs… - improve the English by writing ‘There, these women worked in what was considered to be female-appropriate jobs…’.
Link orderlies; dentists; pathologists; surgeons. -- Talk to G Moore 03:16, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
drivers needs to be clarified – see Driver for the choice of links available, as I’m not sure which would the correct one.
Linked to Chauffeur. Dormskirk (talk) 16:42, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Could ...more masculine employment be phrased more eloquently?
The hospital also… - also is redundant. -- Talk to G Moore 03:23, 1 October 2020 (UTC) Done[reply]
...a great number of volunteers daily. - a great number is too vague, and the sentence needs to be copy edited to improve the prose.
Gardeners would help in the courtyard and ward visitors would often come, some only wishing to visit with lonely patients as they did not have family or friends in the hospital. - I would amend this to something like ‘Gardeners helped in the courtyard and people without family or friends at the hospital came to spend time with a lonely patient.’.
Men did in fact play a supportive role at the hospital (as stated in Ref 2 (Geddes)), so it cannot be said that the hospital was staffed only by women.
Amended to "clinicians". Dormskirk (talk) 16:57, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
...which tended to be considered more masculine employment. requires a citation, as it is not verified by Ref 2 (Geddes).
...the women kept the suffrage movement and their hospital duties separate. - sounds unconvincing to me. I think you need to add how they accomplished this.
Removed, as I do not know the answer and it is not sourced. Dormskirk (talk) 17:47, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Tensions with the Royal Army Medical Corps
...due to their feminine touches – feminine touches needs to be in quotation marks (as done in Ref 2 (Geddes)) to avoid it sounding editorial or sexist to readers. You might find WP:WAW an interesting commentary on writing about women in Wikipedia. Also, the sentence could be improved by being clearer about how dull military wards in those days looked.
Now in quotation marks. Dormskirk (talk) 17:48, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What happened to the building once the hospital had gone?
Explanation now inserted. Dormskirk (talk) 19:26, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Expanding the article
The lead section needs to be expanded so that as well as being a concise summary, it includes more of the main points of the article. I can come back to specifics when the main article is more complete.
Expanded a bit for now. More may be needed. Dormskirk (talk) 15:53, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The sources available to you need to be checked with a view to expanding the article, as there is information missing at present. The auxiliary hospitals are not mentioned for instance, and a quick search on the internet brings up possible other sources and areas worth mentioning—this refers to contemporary press cuttings, seasonal entertainment; this refers to a lost plaque; this film from Digital Drama looks good enough to include. There may be others.
Agreed that more could be added: I have added something on the visit of Queen Amalie, the plaque and the film. I will let G. Moore give thought to what more to add. Dormskirk (talk) 20:44, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
This is an interesting topic for an article, but it needs quite a lot of work to being it up to GA level. The article has been placed on hold until 7 October31 October to address the comments listed above. Amitchell125 (talk) 09:50, 29 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@G. Moore: Hi, I'm not sure your talk page has been sent the automatic 'article now on hold' message, so I'm pinging you to let you know, and I'll something to you talk page as well. Regards. Amitchell125 (talk) 18:41, 30 September 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Amitchell125: Thanks for the feedback on the article, a lot of good feedback Hopefully, I can get some help from others (@Dormskirk:, et al). I am in the middle of moving and can't spend a lot of time on Wikipedia for the next couple of weeks. -- Talk to G Moore 02:31, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@G. Moore: That's fine, ping me in a few weeks when you've done some more work. The process can continue on then. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:17, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Amitchell125: Many thanks for all your feedback: I have responded to most of the material, all of which I agree with. I cannot guarantee that I have got everything right, however! Best wishes. Dormskirk (talk) 20:46, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Dormskirk: All looks fine so far, I'll wait the article to grow some more in due course. Thanks for your efforts. Amitchell125 (talk) 22:09, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Amitchell125: No problem. I am sure it will grow some more when G. Moore has completed his house moving! Thanks and best wishes. Dormskirk (talk) 22:32, 1 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@G. Moore and Dormskirk: Hi G. Moore, can you let me know if you have completed your work on the expansion of the article and the lead section, so that I can complete this review? Thanks Amitchell125 (talk) 07:28, 26 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Amitchell125 and Dormskirk: I added a few additional facts that were noteworthy and expanded the summary to include major points about the hospital. I think that it is ready for your review. -- Talk to G Moore 11:10, 26 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I can't see any problems now. It's a decent article, so passing now, Amitchell125 (talk) 16:27, 26 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]