Talk:Harry Daley/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Urve (talk · contribs) 11:52, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
I will take this up soon! :) Thanks, Urve (talk) 11:52, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
Overview[edit]
- The article is in very solid shape. My comments are mostly picky and you are free to ignore them. Some of them are not going to be required by the GA criteria, but I thought I should mention them anyway.
- My pickiness might be an issue of English variation. I speak and write US English, so maybe my comments are not relevant for this article. I don't know.
- Can you take a look at File:E. M. Forster von Dora Carrington, 1924-25.jpg? Commons is asking for a reason for why it is public domain in the US, but I don't entirely understand how it is; the templates they provide don't seem to fit. I filled in parameters for why it's PD in the UK.
- Broadness, neutrality, stability are good.
- Criterion 2 seems met: Verifiable, no OR, no copyvio from spot checks, RSs.
Early life[edit]
second youngest of five children
-- this is no prob. fourth of five is also fine; your preference
- Source uses "fourth of the five children" so I think I selected "second youngest..." to avoid close paraphrasing
His father Joseph Daley was
-- commas around name?
Harry Daley was educated at the local school from the age of three. Daley's father died at sea during a storm in 1911 and instead of going to secondary school Daley decided to help support his family by becoming a telegram boy
-- do you know the date in 1911? The switch between Daley and his father seems disjointed... if we know the date, we could just continue the first sentence with "and at age 10, his father died...". Or alternatively, if we don't know or if you think it's better, the first clause of the second sentence could be altered to make Daley the subject: "Owing to his father's 1911 death at sea in a storm, Daley decided...". Let me know what you think? It ultimately doesn't really matter.
During the First World War his mother
--> During the First World War, his mother
While living at Dorking Daley
--> While living at Dorking, Daley
Police career[edit]
Hammersmith[edit]
- We use "noted" a lot. What do you think about its use in light of MOS:SAID? Even if you think it is fine, and it may be, you may find that the flow is better if we vary the word choice and omit some of the "noted"s.
- Is there anything more to say about The Prisoners of War and its "homosexual theme"? It may not be worthy of inclusion or relevant, so I pass this to you. Maybe a footnote?
Through Ackerley, Daley came into contact with a wider circle of writers and artists, including those of the Bloomsbury Group. A portrait of Daley was painted by Bloomsbury Group member Duncan Grant in 1930.
-- this is personal preference, but we only learn the relevance of the preceding sentence at the end of the second one. I think it could be better to say something like, "including those of the Bloomsbury Group, whose member Duncan Grant had painted a portrait of him in 1930".
Later career[edit]
In 1935
--> In 1935,
who was then the literary editor of The Listener, these were refused
--> "who was then the literary editor of The Listener; these were refused"
Later life and legacy[edit]
Daley destroyed all his other written records before his death; leaving an estate worth £803
--> Daley destroyed all his other written records before his death, leaving an estate worth £803
- Maybe it would be helpful to explain what a blue plaque is?
Lead[edit]
- Brilliant
All I have for now. Feel free to strike or push back on anything I am saying. Urve (talk) 17:08, 16 July 2021 (UTC)
- Thanks for your review Urve and your suggestions which I found really helpful. I've commented above - Dumelow (talk) 20:32, 17 July 2021 (UTC)
- This is a beautiful, well-written article, about an important topic. After checking the good article criteria, I am convinced that it meets every one. Congratulations on this - I will be promoting it soon.
- NB: You may consider adding the LGBT studies WikiProject on the talk page. Urve (talk) 20:48, 17 July 2021 (UTC)