Talk:Jessie Stephen/GA1

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made in a new section.

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Reviewer: Dudley Miles (talk · contribs) 15:46, 27 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I will take this one. Dudley Miles (talk) 15:46, 27 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks very much for taking the time to do this. I'll check through your comments and make some amendments ~~later today~~ ~~the next day~~ a few days later. Thanks again! Cheers. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 06:42, 28 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
The lead is quite short and could do with expansion.
Agree . I'll come back to this. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Attempted[1] This still doesn't seem great to me... should I summarise a few more aspects? I've retained the Bristol Trades Council bit, as it looks from the dates as if she'd have been well known locally for that (president '52, died in the same city '79). -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 09:57, 6 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"In 1952 she became the first woman president of the Trades Council." ODNB says that it was the Bristol Trades Council. This needs to be made clear and was this body significant enough to be a main point in the lead?
Amended[2] You're probably right about due weight in the lead, which I'll come back to. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Lead now slightly expanded. Please refer to my comment above regarding Bristol Trades Council. Thanks. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 09:57, 6 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
~~I cannot find her in the Bristol Blue Plaques site. If she has been deleted, then it would be better to cite other sources.~~ My mistake.
Off topic, but the house has recently been repainted. The plaque is still present and looked to have been reasonably well protected during the works! -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 20:22, 3 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
According to ODNB "her liveliest campaign was in South Portsmouth in 1923–4 when she doubled the Labour vote to over 8000 in a safe tory council seat." This seems confused. 8000 votes must be the parliamentary seat, and according to Portsmouth South (UK Parliament constituency) she stood in all three elections in the 1920s. (It said Miss J. Stephen but I changed it to Jessie.) Also, she could not have doubled the vote as Labour had not stood previously. If there are WP:RSs for this then it would be worth mentioning.
Done[3][4] Thanks for spotting this. Maybe the doubling referred to in the ODNB is a comparison with the 1918 general election (Labour 3,070). -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I think her connection with Sylvia Pankhurst, as described in ODNB, is worth mentioning.
Done[5] -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I have made a few minor edits - change them if you are not happy with them.
No problems. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Dudley Miles (talk) 16:36, 27 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Happy to consider any further comments. Thanks. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 07:46, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

A minor point is that the heading 'Later life' looks to me a bit odd to me as it starts when she was under 30, but I cannot think of a better heading. Dudley Miles (talk) 16:58, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

How about Political career and later life? -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 19:41, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Looking at it again, all the sections cover a variety of aspects. The Workers' rights section also covers political activities. How about renaming it Early career, the next section something like Middle years and Later life just for the last paragraph (with the 1964 election transferred to it).

Done[6] Good idea. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 20:19, 3 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

"arguing against the use of force (in connection with issues surrounding the formation of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics)" seems a bit clumsy. How about something like "opposing the use of force against the Russian Revolution"? Dudley Miles (talk) 20:30, 1 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Done[7] This should read a little better and maybe the new wikilinked article is more appropriate too. If not, the link to Union of Soviet Socialist Republics can be reinstated. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 20:19, 3 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I have made a few more copy edits - of course change them if you are not happy.
It might be worth adding the MBE and the blue plaque to the lead.
Done[8] -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 02:18, 9 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"she held meetings with the public including migrant English domestic workers". Meetings with the public sounds a bit clumsy. According to ODNB she conducted lecture tours of the US in Canada in 1924 and 1926, where she encouraged unionisation of migrant workers and raised substantial funds for the Socialist Party of America. There seems to some discrepancy in sources, as below it appears to be one tour in 1922.
Done[9] -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 02:18, 9 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Stephen was considered to be one of the "most active members" (along with Emma Boyce, around 1916) of the Workers' Suffrage Federation,[12] after being approached by Sylvia Pankhurst and moving from Glasgow to London." I think this sentence is the wrong way round - she was approached and then she moved.
Done[10] -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 02:18, 9 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry to keep raising new points. I think it is nearly there. Dudley Miles (talk) 18:12, 6 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks very much for the further suggestions. I was hoping to have dealt with them yesterday but it'll now have to wait a short while longer. If you feel the need to formally place this on hold, please do so. In any case, I plan to return to this within 24 hours. Thanks for your patience. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 09:55, 8 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Right, that's those bits taken care of, I believe. Thanks. -- Trevj (talk · contribs) 02:18, 9 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That all looks fine. I have passed it now. Dudley Miles (talk) 09:47, 9 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.