Talk:John of Brienne/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 13:26, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Coming to this soon. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 13:26, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

No copyvio detected, no dablinks. Once again, a fairly well-written masterpiece. Only a few comments: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 17:46, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

General

A lot of duplicate links. Try this tool to wipe out the unnecessary links.

Early life

are obviously invented I think "apparently" will make it sound more like a general opinion, as it is it seems as if we said it. Nothing mandatory, I felt I should share my view.
if his father sent John to a monastery he left before taking monastic vows I could not understand how you come to this conclusion
John's father, Erard II No need to introduce him again
His oldest son, Walter III Should not you say "Walter III" when you refer to him for the first time, in the 1st para?
Two versions of Ernoul's chronicle tell different stories about John's ascent to the throne of Jerusalem Are there only two versions, or are they two among many? If it is just two, we can say "The two versions of Ernoul's chronicles differ in their accounts of John's..." which I feel sounds better

King of Jerusalem

Wikilink "Holy See"

Papal service

Even if this account was fabricated Are you saying this account was really fabricated (You should be saying "even though"), or are you presenting a possibility?

Emperor of Constantinople

but Besse also described I think you should say Bernard and not Besse (he is "of Besse").
Historian Guy Perry wrote that John Simply "Perry" would do

Family

Check that this section does not repeat details from previous sections.
His youngest son John Comma before John

Sainsf, thank you for your thorough review. I tried to fix all above problems. Sorry, I cannot use the tool you suggested above (generally, I am unable to use most tools offered by WP). I assume that the Family section contains duplinks, but I think it is actually a separate part of the article, so the duplications helps users to identify his family members. Borsoka (talk) 03:55, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you. Most of those duplinks can then be retained. I am happy we can promote this now. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:46, 11 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]