User talk:Ssylviaiii/Kungfu (restaurant)

Hi Sylvia, I just reviewed your draft. I noticed that you haven't added your main content yet. I think you can expand your content based on several topics of the Kungfu restaurant. Such as their flavors, styles, background, people, and furniture representing its characteristics. The Lead you have is very concise. It is good, but I recommend you can add more information to the Lead part. The resources you have added for now are reliable and up-to-date. I checked a few of the links, and they worked. I think my advice for your article, for now, is that you can add more conclusive details to the Lead part and expand your article in the content part in a neutral tone. After all of this done, you can add images and polish your article. (Maw39 (talk) 22:50, 31 January 2020 (UTC))[reply]

Feedback on your article[edit]

@Ssylviaiii: You've added a ton of text to the article and that looks good. Two things you probably want to keep in mind:

The text that you've written in the company history seems to close to sounding like an advertisement for the company. Please go back through and carefully edit it so that it has a fully neutral point of view. For example, the phrase, "exploring a new way for the development of Chinese fast food has realized the long-cherished wish of the whole Chinese fast food industry" sounds like something the company would say. Adjectives like "long-cherished" seem out of plac.e
The quality of the English in the draft is quite rough. You should try to carefully edit it and proofread it so that it is smoother and stylistically better.
I noticed over on the history page of Kungfu (restaurant) that there have been a number of edits made to the article over the last month. Make sure that when you copy your text back to the article, you don't overwrite or undo any of these changes.

That's it for me. Once you've done this, you should move your text over and make it live. If you want altsalt or myself to take another look, we'd be happy to do that. —mako ๛ 21:41, 13 February 2020 (UTC)[reply]