Wikipedia:Peer review/Diversity Day/archive1

Diversity Day

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've been working with it for a while, and am hoping to put it forward through to GAs. I'm hoping to get any constructive feedback I can from the review to help this article get to the best possible shape it can be.

Thanks, Mastrchf91 (^t/_c) 02:19, 12 February 2008 (UTC)

Comments from MaxVeers

Nice job. I'm a big fan of the show and I enjoyed reading this article.

Overall, I think the article looks pretty good. Here are my specific comments:

• I would recommend reintroducing Brown as "Mr. Brown, the corporate consultant..." in the Plot section. I know he is introduced as such in the lede, but the rest of the article is supposed to explain itself own without the overview provided by the lede.
• The direct quotes used in the Reception section are rather lengthy. Consider shortening them or paraphrasing to clarify what point you want to get across by using them. Also, the EW quote could use some bracketing or an introduction to show that "it" refers to The Office.
• Consider including the actual quote from the audio commentaries -- not essential but nice to have. For an example, see Halo 2.
• This episode was nominated for a Writers Guild of America Award in the Episodic Comedy category.[1] The Reception section of the article should mention it.
• It's standard practice to include an IMDb link in the External links section, e.g., "Diversity Day" at IMDb

Hope this helps. By the way, if you'd be willing to peer review my article in return, I'd be grateful. MaxVeers (talk) 06:13, 12 February 2008 (UTC)

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR _t 05:30, 14 February 2008 (UTC)