Wikipedia:Peer review/El Hatillo Municipality, Miranda/archive3

El Hatillo Municipality, Miranda

This is the third peer review for El Hatillo, after this I will nominate it for featured article, so I would like to avoid any FA objections with this peer review. Here are the first and second peer reviews. For the 2nd one the changes were discussed in the talk page. Thank you.--enano ^(Talk) 17:09, 28 January 2007 (UTC)

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 23:45, 30 January 2007 (UTC)

Yannismarou

Very nice! I think the article has already reached a high level of quality. My remarks (with the exception of number [1] are mostly minor:

1. I see a preponderence of non-English, Spanish in particular, aources; this might be a problem for some FA reviewers. When more than 90% of the citations link Spanish sources, this gets a bit problematic, since this is the English and not the Spanish Wikipedia. Could you do some "injections" with more English sources?

   Both enano and I searched the web and bookstores both in Venezuela and the USA; no more English sources :-( SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:04, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

   Yes, we have honestly used every English source we have found, everything else is only available in Spanish.--enano ^(Talk) 17:30, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

2. "An engineer assisted in the urban planning, which included grid streets and a parish church,[8] built to honor Santa Rosalía de Palermo, who Baltasar believed had saved him from a plague that killed his father in prison" I don't know ... Maybe many relative clauses for this not so long sentence.

   Fixed by Sandy.--enano ^(Talk) 22:32, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

3. I know this is not absolutely necessary, but in the captions of your charts I would like to mention your sources. Searching, I found that the source of your first chart is some "Fuente: Instituto Nacional de Estadística." (National Institution of Statistics, probably!) When I was taught some economics I was told that often the source is more important than the statistics themselves! But maybe what I say may well be just a personal preference. In any case, the only verifications for your uncited assertion that "but demographics show a rapidly rising population" are these two charts.

   I have added citation to both charts.--enano ^(Talk) 17:30, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

4. Two stubby sentences in "Demographics". Some FA reviewers do not like them. I would recommend that you merge or expand.

   Fixed by Sandy.--enano ^(Talk) 22:32, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

5. In "Economy" I see no statistics. For instance, isn't there any info for the per capita GDP in the region?
6. "On March 8, 2000—the year after a new constitution was introduced in Venezuela—it was decreed[15]". This citation could be at the end of the sentence, which is also better for the prose flaw.

   Done.--enano ^(Talk) 17:30, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

7. In "Law and government" we caould maybe have some more things about the relations between municipality-state-central government. What are the fiscal and legal inter-connections of the municipality with the other two institutions?

   Couldn't find quite what you were asking for, but I have added news about a possible reorganization of the municipal powers, as proposed by Hugo Chávez.--enano ^(Talk) 22:32, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

8. I'm not sure if "Crime" is actually a sub-section of "Law and government" or if it should be a seperate section.

   It changes from article to article. I have found crime information under government or under demographics, usually within a subsection or just with the rest of the section, but rarely as a different section.--enano ^(Talk) 17:30, 4 February 2007 (UTC)

9. "The 2001 census shows enrollment of 8,525 students during the 2000-2001 school year; by the end of the school year, 8,149 had passed.[40][41][42]" Three citations in a row? ... Hmmm ... Not nice. Maybe you should combine them. There are ways to do it. See Tourette syndrome or W. S. Gilbert. Done. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:59, 31 January 2007 (UTC)
10. "but Don Baltasar completed his years in prison and then moved to El Hatillo, bringing the legacy of Santa Rosalía de Palermo to El Hatillo, believing she protected him from the pestilence that killed his father in Cádiz.[9]" Two long participal phrases in a row. Not nice IMO.

    Fixed by Sandy.--enano ^(Talk) 22:32, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

11. I see a section "References" with one source. Do you mean further reading? I see all your sources mentioned in "Notes" (which is actually "References").

    Book cited by page number in Notes. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:01, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

12. I suggest you get rid of the "See also" section. Just one link that could be linked within the text, if it is necessary.

    Done.--enano ^(Talk) 22:32, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

13. Apart from some minor issues I mentioned above, the prose looks to me fine.--Yannismarou 20:54, 31 January 2007 (UTC)

Yomangani

Fairly faultless. Some very (very) minor points:

• Spanish versions are given sometimes as (algo), sometimes as (Spanish:algo) or sometimes as Algo with no English version. The last one isn't really a problem, but be consistent on the others.
  • Done, only (Spanish:algo) or Algo are being used.--enano ^(Talk) 22:20, 7 February 2007 (UTC)
• ft is linked but meters is not.
  • Done.--enano ^(Talk) 17:42, 4 February 2007 (UTC)
• ha is used in the middle of a sentence, why not use hectares? or better still km²
  • Changed it to m², km² gave a number too small.--enano ^(Talk) 17:42, 4 February 2007 (UTC)
• Why are "bedroom community" and "collapse" quoted? Are they quotes or just failures to find the correct translation?
  • I removed the quotes from bedroom community, but I don't know if collapse has the same meaning in Spanish as it does in English, will have to discuss this with Sandy.--enano ^(Talk) 17:42, 4 February 2007 (UTC)
    • Yes, collapse is the word used in the Spanish text, and (as anyone who has driven in Caracas will attest) would be the correct word to use in English - you can remove the quotes in both cases. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 17:47, 4 February 2007 (UTC)
      • Removed.--enano ^(Talk) 22:20, 7 February 2007 (UTC)
• See, I said they were minor. Yomangani^talk 02:35, 1 February 2007 (UTC)