Wikipedia:Peer review/Learie Constantine/archive1

Learie Constantine

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to take this to FAC. As usual, any comments on the prose and comprehensibility to non-cricketers would be much appreciated. Also, any thoughts on whether the balance between cricket/other is right.

Thanks, Sarastro1 (talk) 20:42, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

Thoughts: I would like to do Learie; a very interesting character with a range well beyond the cricket field. A couple of things bother me, though:

• The article is formidably long and I might lack the stamina for a detailed review.
• Maybe you would benefit from the views of someone other than me? I don't think there are many cricket editors about at present, but you could ask The Rambling Man. He did the featured article on Agnew, and has been very active peer-reviewing recently.

If no one else picks it up in the next couple of days, I'll give it a try. Brianboulton (talk) 23:29, 17 July 2012 (UTC)

Initial comment: I haven't finished reading it yet, but I do get a distinct impression of wordiness and overdetailing, and am inclined to think the text could be reduced by perhaps 25 to 30 percent without loss of quality. As an experiment I have redrafted the lead, here, reducing it from 590 to 360 words. The present lead is somewhat overdetailed and repetitive, and I think my reduced version fulfils WP:LEAD in providing a fully adequate summary. See what you think. I will provide futher suggestions for cuts over the next few days. Brianboulton (talk) 15:10, 23 July 2012 (UTC)

I've unashamedly copied the lead from your sandbox, and I'm very open to further suggestions of cuts. Sarastro1 (talk) 18:44, 23 July 2012 (UTC)

I'm continuing to do what I started with the lead, and have now copyedited and trimmed the "Early life" section and the whole of "Cricket career". I have not been so free with the blue pencil as I was with the lead, but have still lost around 700 words. The slimmed down version of these sections is in my sandbox. Please look these over; you may want to put a few things back, or rephrase here and there - it's up to you. I'll give you a day or two consider, before tackling the rest. It's a rattling good article, by the way. Brianboulton (talk) 19:29, 24 July 2012 (UTC)

All these changes look good, and there doesn't seem to be anything important missing so I've stolen them from your sandbox again. Sorry for my slow rate of progress! Sarastro1 (talk) 12:24, 27 July 2012 (UTC)

Update: I have copyedited the "Life in England" section, reducing it by around 400 words. This time I posted it into the article rather than leaving it in the sandbox, but you can always change bits you don't like. I have a couple of specific points:

• "five guineas": You need to add a footnote explaining that this is a sum slightly in excess of £5, and that it was the legal custom of the time to announce such awards in the obsolete currency of guineas.

• The only problem is that this requires a source, and I've not got anything which gives this information. Any suggestions? Sarastro1 (talk) 17:05, 31 July 2012 (UTC)

• Done as suggested on Brianboulton's talk page. Sarastro1 (talk) 17:55, 1 August 2012 (UTC)

• "In later years, Constantine was remembered as much for this case as for his cricketing achievements." No, he wasn't; the source is talking rubbish, or at least a gross overstatement of realities. I strongly advise dropping this sentence.

• Done. Sarastro1 (talk)

I will tackle the remainder in a day or so. Brianboulton (talk) 16:06, 31 July 2012 (UTC)

Everything looks pretty good to me. Sarastro1 (talk) 17:05, 31 July 2012 (UTC)

I have copyedited the remaining sections and I think my work is done. You'd better check it for typos, though. The wordcount is down to about 8800 which, although still long, is probably OK for a character who was rather more than a cricketer. Ping me if you have any comments/queries. Brianboulton (talk) 16:28, 3 August 2012 (UTC)

Thanks again, looking good. I'll give it a last once over myself. Sarastro1 (talk) 23:07, 3 August 2012 (UTC)