Wikipedia:Peer review/Poker Face (Lady Gaga song)/archive2

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Poker Face (Lady Gaga song)[edit]

Previous peer review
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I believe this article has the ability to be a Featured Article for Wikipedia. It has all the pros of being a FA and I would request to point out anything that might have been missed, prose which can be bettered as well as others, including infos and references.

Thanks, --Legolas (talk2me) 10:36, 11 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is interesting and covers the material in depth. However, I see many small prose errors and deviations from the Manual of Style guidelines. I've listed quite a few specific examples down through the end of the "Critical reception" section. A complete copyedit by someone fresh to the article would be a good idea. You might be able to find someone via WP:Guild of copyeditors. I also noticed an instance of plagiarism, which I discuss below. Here are my comments and suggestions.

Lead

  • " 'Poker Face' has been well-received by the critics with most of them appreciating the robotic hook and the chorus." - The "with plus -ing" construction is ungrammatical. Suggestion: " 'Poker Face' has been well-received by the critics, most of whom have praised the robotic hook and the chorus."
  • Wikilink hook?
  • "The song has been performed on a number of live appearances by Gaga including the eighth season of American Idol and her first headlining Fame Ball tour where alternate variations of the track have been performed, including a piano version which she played while wearing a dress made of bubbles, and an electronic version." - Too complex. Suggestion: "Gaga performed the song for the eighth season of American Idol and her first headlining Fame Ball tour. The live performances included an electronic version and a version in which she played the piano while wearing a dress made of bubbles." Or something like that. Also, perhaps "headlining" should be linked or explained.
Done

"Writing and inspiration

  • ""Poker Face" is written by RedOne and Gaga... " - "Was" rather than "is"?
  • "During her Fame Ball tour performance at Palm Springs on Saturday 11th of April... " - The date should be given in the form, April 11, yyyy".
  • "She suggested that the song dealt about her personal experience... " - "With" rather than "about"?
Done

Music structure and composition

  • "and the more dance oriented beat of next single "LoveGame"" - Hyphenate "dance-oriented" and add missing "the" between "of" and "next"?
  • "The composition also carries the pleather-and-sequins vibe of the downtown underground New York scene." - The jargon here might not make sense to a lot of readers. Terms that might be linked or explained include "pleather-and-sequins", "vibe" and "underground". On a second look at this, I see that the source says, "carry the pleather-and-sequins vibe of the downtown New York scene out of the underground... ". This is an instance of plagiarism, to be avoided at all costs. I don't have time to check all the sources for this sort of thing, but you must be careful to make the distinction between paraphasing and copying. Please see Let's get serious about plagiarism for a full explanation.
  • "Common time" - Lowercase "common".
  • Three sentences in a row start with "The song". It would be good to vary these a bit.
  • "Gaga's vocal range spans from G3 to C5,[10] and has the similar dance-pop tempo in it." - A vocal range doesn't include a tempo.
  • "Gaga explained in an interview with them... " - "Them" is plural, but Daily Star is singular.
  • "the "Mum-mum-mum-mah" hook used in the song is sampled from Boney M's 1977 hit... " - Does "sampled" mean "copied"? Or "imitated"?
Done The plagiarism issue pointed out is not understandable because the source itself says so.
That the source itself says so is exactly my point. I think most plagiarism is accidental and results from not understanding what it involves. In this particular case, you've imitated the language of Kerri Mason too closely. One way to handle this would be to find a way to explain the essence of what Mason is saying but doing so in your own words. "Pleather-and-sequins vibe" is not common language; it is Mason's clever invention. Linking pleather-and-sequins to music genre does not solve the plagiarism problem. Is pleather-and-sequins a music genre? No. It's a mode of dress. Where? In the New York City underground. What are people doing in the New York underground? They are dressing in pleather and sequins to attract sex partners. What has Gaga done? She's brought the underground behavior up where we can see and hear it and put it on TV and FM radio. A translation of this might be: "The composition captures the glitzy sexuality of the New York City underground." Or something like that. Alternatively, you could quote Mason directly and put his words inside quotation marks followed by the citation you've already given. Finetooth (talk) 20:52, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
OK Understood and done. --Legolas (talk2me) 04:29, 28 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

  • "Matthew Chisling from Allmusic called the song as "infectious" and along with the title track "The Fame" complemented them for... " - I think you mean "complimented". Delete "as"?
  • "Andy Downing from The Chicago Tribune called the song as 'jaunty'... " - Delete "as"?
  • "mime much of the same glitzy territory that previous single "Just Dance" had covered," - Is this a direct quote? It's not set off in quotation marks. Is it possible to "mime" a territory?
  • "The New Times Broward-Palm Beach newspaper called the song as 'trashtastic Europop.' - Delete "as"?
Done

Chart performance

  • "March 14, 2009 where it stayed for two additional weeks... " - Full dates like this need a comma after the year. You've included the comma in some places but not in others.
Done

Chart procession and succession

  • Should so many things be bolded and double-listed?
Comment The chart procession template itself bolds the font, we donot manually do it.

References

  • The date formatting in the references needs to be consistent per WP:MOSNUM. Either format (m-d-y or yyyy-mm-dd) that you've used is OK, but you have to choose one or the other and stick with it.
Comment Actually the date tab in reference is added as (m d, yyyy) while the accessdate tab is added as (yyyy-mm-dd) which is what I have followed.
With respect, WP:MOSNUM#Format consistency says otherwise. Finetooth (talk) 16:28, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Images

  • Image sizes should generally be set to "thumb" rather than a specific pixel width.
  • Three fair-use images in one article may be hard to defend.
Comment I know this can be a problem. The first image is used to describe the progression of the song. Most of the FA articles have it. Second image is the music video, which again is a necessity. Third image is added to illustrate the performance on American Idol. A free image is available from the Fame Ball tour, but the major description in the section is for the American Idol performance, hence the third image is added. --Legolas (talk2me) 04:29, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 23:51, 19 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • General Comment - shouldn't the release history be more comprehensive, eg with catalog numbers, record labels etc. Also, I have noticed the country names are linked, if I am right they shouldn't, as per WP:OVERLINK? Dt128 (talk) 11:18, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Removed extra links. However I don't think catalog numbers or record labels are necessary. Obviously the same record label released it. However the format of release can be included. --Legolas (talk2me) 11:26, 27 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Well not necessarily, many records are released by different labels in different countries. Isn't Lady Gaga one of them? Why not include catalog numbers? Dt128 16:38, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
Also, where are the references for the genre/context/content of the song in the lead? Dt128 18:05, 27 May 2009 (UTC)
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Poker_Face_(Lady_Gaga_song)/archive2&oldid=1050727464"