Wikipedia:Peer review/Poses (album)/archive1

Poses (album)[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to put the article through the Featured Articles process. Before doing so, I'd like feedback to improve the article--spelling, punctuation, grammar, content, context, etc. Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks so much! Another Believer _(Talk) 00:20, 10 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article - while I do not write music articles, I have peer reviewed a fair number of them and this seems to be missing some information (or at least have it presented differently) than most album FAs I have seen. Anyways, here are some suggestions for improvement.

A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. While there is one Rufus Wainwright album FA (Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall), it is also a live album and so may not be the best model. There are a lot of album FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Music - I think Kid A is well done and Love. Angel. Music. Baby. and Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt are both FAs on albums by solo artists and may be good models.

Thanks for the suggestion. I wrote the Rufus Does Judy at Carnegie Hall album, which is different than many other FA album articles because it is a live recording. I will certainly look at other articles to use as examples.

My bad - I peer reviewed that too, but thought it was by another user (wait, your user name changed, OK, now I get it ;-) ). Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 19:17, 26 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Looking at the models and this article, there should be much more on the writing and recording process.
There are several places where it would help to provide context to the reader - for example, when did he stay at the Chelsea (dates)? When was the album actually recorded?
Or this sentence in the lead needs to make clearer what the comparisons are being made to / with With fewer operatic elements in an attempt to create a more radio-friendly pop record, the album addresses debauchery and love in less esoteric means. (presumably his debut album)
The order of several sections also seems to be different than most album articles - it seems like listy things (track listing, personnel) usually come at the end of the article, not in the middle.
The article has a lot of short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that should be combined with others to improve flow, or perhaps expanded. Look at the Stefani article (model) for a treatment of songes (there are several songs in a paragraph there).
The MOS says block quotes should be four lines long or more. The block quote in Development is one line plus a single word on the second line on my monitor.
The reissue of the album is mentioned once - when was it? Why was it reissued?

Ah, yes. Thank you for the reminder.

Watch for typos - the lead says the song by his father is One man guy, but later it is written as "One may guy"

Done.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 15:17, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you so much for your suggestions and comments. I appreciate your feedback, and look forward to improving the article based on your recommendations. --Another Believer _(Talk) 19:18, 20 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.