Wikipedia:Peer review/Sean Bennett/archive2
Sean Bennett[edit]
| Toolbox |
|---|
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because during the GA review no problems were raised and it was suggested I bring it to FA. I was lenient considering the article is only 4,000 characters, but per WP:WTHN, I figured I'll give it a shot. Thanks, Giants27(c|s) 22:59, 7 October 2009 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: While I do not have a problem with the length per se, I do think the article could use some more detail to provide context to the reader before any FAC, so here are some suggestions for improvement based on that and some MOS issues.
- Watch WP:Overlinking - for example University of Evansville is linked three times in four paragraphs (once piped so it looks like something else).
- I was also wondering if the lead might read better split into 3 paragraphs (split the current second one into one each on college and professional sports appearances)
- There are many places where the article could help the average reader by providing more context. Here are some examples
- I would spell out NFL on its first appearance to make it cleaer that he was switching to professional sport (would have to pipe it as the article is "1999 NFL Draft"
- I would also make it clear at the end that he played for two CFL and one indoor football league teams - I thought the BlueCats were a CFL team I had never heard of at first.
- Is there any info on his family? Parents names? Siblings if any?
- Could his collegiate stats be given (for each college)? This is for Northwestern At Northwestern, Bennett became the starting fullback. In his only year he had 32 rushes and 160 yards.[2] but even there it would help to mention how many games he actually played in.
- Professional career starts with scouts coming - you could say where they came to (presumably Northwestern), could even kill two birds with one stone by identifying the two players named as his Northwestern teammates orsomething similar.
- What were his stats for his rookie year in the NFL and with the Giants by season and overall (last is in the Infobox)?
- I would make it clear that he was released by the Jets before the NFL season began.
- As in the lead, so too with the 2004–2007 section - identify CFL and Indoor League teams. Also the whole playing for the BlueCats but somehow still on the Ottawa roster for the dispersal draft has to be explained better / more clearly.
- After leaving the game of football in 2007, Bennett became a trainer at Tri-State Athletic Club.[17] where is this? Assume back in Evansville as he seems to be a homebody.
- A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there area fair number of athlete FAs that would be useful models.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 04:26, 23 October 2009 (UTC)