Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 June 20

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No_Secrets_(Adult_Protection)

First ever article, is it ok? Templeknight7 (talk) 10:49, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

When you posted this question, you saw a large pink box asking you whether or not your article includes reliable sources to demonstrate that the subject is notable. The government creates thousands of publications; Wikipedia doesn't need articles about all of them. Is this publication especially notable? You need to confirm that by adding citations to some of the newspapers, magazines, and books that have been written about this publication. -FisherQueen (talk · contribs) 10:52, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Also the article needs to be a bit more organised. Things like sections, links and Infoboxes are good things to include, and make the article easier to read. At the bottom the example.com external link can be removed, as it is just there to show you how to add external links to articles. If you are confident that you can add external links OK, you can go ahead and remove it, as it is not needed for any other purpose. I think the most important things that you need to do to improve the article is to add reliable references and links as FisherQueen says, and organise the article a bit better by using the tools/methods I linked to earlier. I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions please feel free to message me or ask at the Help Desk. Of course you can always ask here in this request entry on this page, if you wish. Thanks! Chevymontecarlo 14:11, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Is this article merely an abridged version of the legislation or is it an article exploring how 'No Secrets' works? If it is the latter, you need to explain how it sits alongside the General Social Care Council's code of practice and in particular a person's right to choose. For example, what if the abused doesn't want anything done about their situation? You also need to consider how the act compliments or contravenes the Data Protection Act (1998).
Your article should also be balanced which it isn't, particularly when exploring 'the way forward'. Many people would argue for example that further legislation is unnecessary, after all vulnerable adults have the same rights as anyone else under the Offences Against the Persons Act (1968) and the Human Rights Act (1958). And that no amount of law making has ever prevented law breaking. This may not be a school of thought that you subscribe to, but it needs to be represented nevertheless.
Don't give up though, it could be an interesting article and might attract contributions from other editors.
I was also going to point out that statutes (and case law) should be underlined but having spent some time trying to do this myself, I can see why you probably didn't!--Ykraps (talk) 15:54, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

Designer Previews, Karen Fisher draft page for review

Just completed an article about Designer Previews. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Strohlnco/Karen_Fisher,_Designer_Previews I would like some feedback. Strohlnco (talk) 19:38, 15 June 2010 (UTC)

I've moved this request from the new contributors' help page as it belongs here and hasn't been answered in the past 5 days. GiftigerWunsch [TALK] 16:00, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Good - it's highly referenced and has pictures, you may want to add an infobox to it also. I've moved it from Wikipedia:Designer Previews, Karen Fisher to Designer Previews because Wikipedia space is for pages on using Wikipedia, while articles have no prefix and articles usually shouldn't be named like that. Good job though! ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 23:53, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Francis Jocky

Hi - I am looking on feedback on the article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Jocky and how to create a musician's wiki with this. Unfortunately I did not find a template, if there's anything like that out there? Thanks for reviewing and suggestions. I am a huge fan of Francis Jocky and think he needs to have a wiki.

Humanpower (talk) 17:59, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Pretty good, but you need more reliable third-party references, like from big newspapers or websites to prove that he is notable enough. Also, the text is a bit in favor of him, you should try to make it more neutral and add more categories\link other articles to it (as tagged).Good job though! ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 23:58, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

El Ard... El Salam

I wrote an article on the Mohamed Mounir album El Ard... El Salam. Would someone be able to review the article please?

Voiceofplanet (talk) 21:32, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Good job, but you might add more references. ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 00:02, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Adorned8/Faith_Evangeline_of_Evil_Pawn_Jewelry

 I wrote this article about a jewelry designer I really like. I can't believe she isn't on Wikipedia. Just wanted feedback so I could get it to stay on here. I have nevre used this before so I wanted feedback to get help on making my article good. Thank you. 

Adorned8 (talk) 21:39, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

You'll need to add more references which will prove that she is notable. It also needs some categories and an infobox is always good too. |:-) ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 00:19, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

École L'Odyssée

So this was a revamp I did beginning on the 15th—my third, but only significant one. I tried getting as much information as possible, but because it's a poorly-documented establishment (excluding newspaper articles and the provincial government's education archives which were of great help), I had little to work on. What I really want to get done is the following, and I'd like a little help with how to proceed doing it:

• Remove the gallery at the bottom and integrate the images into the side of the article. I've tried, but I'm not the best with formatting.
• Italicize the foreign terms per WP:Manual_of_Style#Foreign terms; however, there is very little information I was able to use. Guidelines from a professional would be very appreciated.
• The lead sentence for the History section is uncited. There is absolutely no citation for it, but I can't think of a way to rephrase it / think of a better lead sentence.

If there's anything else you wish to add, feel free to tell me what you think. Anything is appreciated. _EricLeb⁰¹ (Page | Talk) 22:59, 20 June 2010 (UTC)

Global_Task_Force_on_Expanded_Access_to_Cancer_Care_and_Control_in_Developing_Countries

I am requesting feedback for the article entitle Global Task Force on Expanded Access to Cancer Care and Control in Developing Countries. Thank you.

Amandahgei (talk) 22:59, 20 June 2010 (UTC)