Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 June 21

Back to main feedback page

Index of all pages

Becky_Umeh

General editorial suggestions are welcome. This is a biography of a living person. It is written in a neutral, factual style. The subject of the article is aware of the contents, and has helped to supply newspaper references.

Mambomatx (talk) 03:38, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Nice work! There aren't any immediate concerns with the article, you've covered all the main points i.e verifiability, style, formating etc. -Reconsider! 11:27, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Very good work. Just a very minor grammar problem with the picture caption in the infobox (I know I'm being very picky!), but otherwise, excellent work. Well done. Chevymontecarlo - alt 12:14, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

Magic words for beginners

Hello! Do you think this is helpful? I made it because the main page was somewhat confusing, and maybe a bit too complicated for people who have never used this kind of thing before, so I wrote this. It doesn't cover nearly everything yet, but I plan to add more soon. ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 06:05, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Looks good. I cleaned up a couple minor things, you might check to make sure I didn't make an errors.--SPhilbrickT 12:12, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Thanks! ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 17:46, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Johnny_Reagan

Need to know how to make his a genuine Wikipedia article. The box placed at the top wasn't overly clear. Any help or constructive comments would be appreciated.

Jotts Ryderbeck (talk) 06:05, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Well, I don't know what you mean by genuine, but it is already a real article - a pretty good one. The only thing I might suggest would be making it just slightly more neutral. ~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 00:51, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Tarastar42/EBGC

I have written an article about the East Bay Green Corridor, which is a regional partnership with the goal of making the San Francisco East Bay a global center of the green economy ("the Silicon Valley of green energy"). This is my first article. It is still in my user space; I would like some feedback before going live. Thank you! Tarastar42 (talk) 07:33, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Looks good, though you might look for a picture or infobox. Anyways, I think it's ready to go live. |:-)~ QwerpQwertus · Contact Me  · 00:55, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

John_Wilkins_(Indian_artist)

please go through the link and let me know your response if the page is ready to go live thanks

Jeh Singh (talk) 08:45, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

It's a good start, but as with most new articles, the main issue here is the verifiability. The references provided are not sufficient and the subject may not meet the general notability guideline. I've made some changes, but it still needs some work. -Reconsider! 11:21, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Michael Lawrence Cadman

Hi there - I have the read comments above - my subject is NOTABLE but also from an era that was Internet shy so online references are difficult. I am working for the estate of Michael Lawrence Cadman. Lawrence is a middle name and included to differentiate him from Michael Cadman who is a well-known actor. The article is no longer an orphan, I have added links from Royal College of Art, Royal Institute of Painters in Water Colours and so on. If the page is acceptable, can you please remove the "new unreviewed article" tag. Kind regards, Donna DonnaFrance (talk) 12:34, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

References don't have to be from the internet. Verifiability from reliable sources is the requirement. If information exists in journals or books, go ahead and add. Have a look at WP:CITE to learn about citations. Left an edit summary about the image, that's important to look into. Will remove the tag. Truthkeeper88 (talk) 01:10, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Elhdigital/English_Lakes_Hotels

Please can you take a look to see if this article is useful for the Wikipedia community, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Elhdigital (talk) 14:39, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Jolly_tas/Mollie_Tomlin

Please review and offer feedback. Thankyou.

Jolly tas (talk) 15:19, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

Not too bad. I would suggest some minor additions in terms of wikifying and adding categories. Also, it's good to have a variety of sources. -Reconsider! 12:22, 23 June 2010 (UTC)

Ken_Pavia

This article is about Ken Pavia. Pavia is a former professional hockey and baseball agent who has transitioned to the world of mixed martial arts. Pavia began his career in the mixed martial arts industry representing UFC heavyweight champion Ricco Rodriguez. Pavia then went on to form MMAagents, the largest sports agency in mixed martial arts with over 60 professional fighters in its client roster. Some of the more notable fighters that Pavia represents are: Ricco Rodriguez, Chris "Cyborg" Santos, Tiki Ghosn, War Machine, Phil Barroni, John Hathaway, Martin Kampman, Ben Sauders, Anthony Johnson, Jay Heiron, and Brett Rogers.

67.52.115.106 (talk) 16:57, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

SEARCH, The National Consortium for Justice Information and Statistics

Can I get some feedback on this draft article: User:Nonismom/SEARCH, The National Consortium for Justice Information and Statistics? Previous feedback mentioned that this article tone sounds like an advertisement, and if someone could give me examples of which parts should be changed, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you so much for your time!

Nonismom (talk) 17:47, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

I don't think it read like an advertisement at all, and found the article to be neutral, well-cited and well-written. You must have made some changes already. Looks good, i think! Good job. Pianotech (talk) 11:47, 24 June 2010 (UTC)

Hello Nonismom - I have one comment. In the first line, the words "by and for the states" left me wondering what states? The United States? Maybe I missed something? Walkingupright (talk)

Hepatitis_B_in_China

Under treatment for Hepatitis B in China, Biostar Pharmaceuticals has the only SFDA approved over the counter Hep B medication being sold in China and it has proved to provide a positive result in over 93% of their case studies. The main ingredient in their drug is Oleanolic Acid and the name of Biostar's drug is Xin Aoxing Oleanolic Acid Capsule and the SFDA is not issuing anymore permits for an otc drug for Hep B in China. http://www.biostarpharmaceuticals.com/

I believe that their drug should be added as one of the treatments in the article: Hepatitis B in China

65.223.159.34 (talk) 23:26, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

You should discuss the proposed changes with other contributors on the article talk page. This page is usually for reviews of new articles or articles that have undergone significant changes.-Reconsider! 09:57, 22 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Wx4sno/Snowville,_Virginia

This is a brand-new article I wrote with the help of several others and using research and historical articles about Snowville, Virginia. Any help or suggestions before I post the page to the mainspace would be helpful.

Thanks, Wx4sno (talk) 23:27, 21 June 2010 (UTC)

User:Vsosin/New_York_Blue_Gene_supercomputer#The_Blue_Gene.2FL_Machine

This article describes New York Blue Gene supercomputer. It is similar to TeraGrid supercomputer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TeraGrid).

Vsosin (talk) 00:03, 22 June 2010 (UTC)