Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2011 May 1

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User:Trinicaramel/Warrior King-Reggae Artiste

How can I improve this article. He is a well-known reggae artiste cited by President Obama as being one of his favorite reggae singers but there is not much recent publicity on him.

Trinicaramel (talk) 00:02, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

You may tire quickly of this, but it needs more references to conform with Wikipedia's policy on the biographies of living persons. Also, you want to prove decisively the notability of the singer. The burden is on you, the creator/editor. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:12, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Also, the title should be in the format Warrior King (reggae artist) and not the current format. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:13, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Emeryemery/Emery_Emery

I would like to have this page reviewed and checked for viability. I have been very careful to format the page in the way other people of notable interest are formatted who have similar accomplishments.

Emeryemery (talk) 05:23, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

A couple comments:

1. You might fall under the conflict of interest policy and the autobiography policy. If you are writing an article about yourself, it would be best to wait for another editor to do it. This is the most important thing you must think about.
2. You have Bare URLs, which are frowned upon.
3. A filmography is generally oldest to newest; yours is newest to oldest.
4. You have a category tag missing a [ mark.
5. Wikipedia itself is not considered a reliable source. IMDB is also generally considered insufficient, and the lack of the ability to view the book you linked to at Google books is disconcerting to most editors.

Please consider. Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:49, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Additional comment: If it has been speedy deleted before, it probably will not be acceptable. Deletion may be in order. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:02, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

The two items in your "External links", from Shecky and from the LA Times, are far better references that your other footnotes, again as IMDB and Wiki are not citeable sources, and most of your other footnotes don't actually prove anything other than "such a book exists". I would use those two articles (written out as proper WP:Citations) as footnotes, and try to find a few more like then. If you have at least a few footnotes meeting WP:Reliable sources, you can avoid deletion, but at the moment you're right on the edge. MatthewVanitas (talk) 05:17, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Charbel.khalil/Federation of the Congregations in Lebanon

Dear Sirs, I need your feedback about our newly added article about Akhawiyat in Lebanon, Thank You for your kind comments reply

Charbel.khalil (talk) 09:53, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Greetings, interesting topic, but you need to provide evidence of Wikipedia:Notability (organizations and companies) through independent, reliable, substantive coverage. Right now it's tagged "primary" as the only source of information is the org's own website. Please check around, see if you can find any media coverage of this organisation (preferably online, but any language is fine), and use those sources to give evidence of the statements made in the article. To support neutrality, it is vital and in fact mandatory that such articles include coverage of the topic from reputable publishers independent of the topic. Please also note the other maintenance tags I've added to guide you. It'd also be good if you could include the Arabic spellings of the various Arabic names/terms mentioned in the article. MatthewVanitas (talk) 17:09, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

Update: I've "userified" your article to your drafting space until such time as external sourcing can be added, as external sourcing is required before publication. Moved here: User:Charbel.khalil/Federation of the Congregations in Lebanon. MatthewVanitas (talk) 17:15, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

Paul John Ward

Peer review required please of a Wiki page for a Porsche race driver in UK.

964rs (talk) 13:27, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Actraiser

I have recently rewritten the Actraiser article (see diffs here and here) and was wondering whether other editors feel that it has been sufficiently rewritten and improved.

Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:41, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Harry_S._Truman

I couldn't help but notice that the Harry S Truman page is wrong from the very start. Truman's name is actually Harry S Truman, with no period after the S. Truman's middle name is simply "S" because his parents could not decide on a middle name, but both of their top choices began with an "S", thus the middle name, "S". I cant fix this because the page is blocked, but if someone could, I think out past president would greatly appreciate it.

Amadeus9 (talk) 16:56, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

You may want to go to the page's talk page and write your comment, with {{editprotecteed}} in front of it to get the attention of an editor who can make the edit. Also, if you want your change to be accepted, you should provide a source. If not, you may be refused. Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:28, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

George W. Comstock

Feedback welcome about Wiki page on George W. Comstock noted epidemiologist.

Joewc (talk) 17:03, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

• A couple comments:

1. You need more sources to prove notability and fulfill Wikipedia's verifiability requirements.
2. The subjects curriculum vitae is not considered a reliable source. You should look for reliable, independent, third-party sources such as newspaper articles, academic journals, magazines, etc.
3. Quotations should not be bolded. They should be left as standard formatting or put in between <blockquote></blockquote> markups, per Wikipedia's in-house manual of style.

Other things that I shall not list are explained at "Your First Article", which is also linked to in the welcome message I put on your talk page. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:00, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

User:Devimathaji/Sri Gnanananda Giri Swami of Jyotir Mutt

User:Devimathaji/Sri Gnanananda Giri Swami of Jyotir Mutt Please kindly give me your feedback.This is first time creating document. Thanks

Best regards Mathaji

Devimathaji (talk) 19:10, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

Greetings, you have some interesting content, but right now you need to work on WP:Footnotes. Right now your footnotes don't actually appear to be footnotes to anything, I can't tell what you even mean by them. Are you accidentally footnoting when instead you mean to link to another article on Wiki? For that, , rather than type "<ref>", just put double-brackets around the word. So "[[Tamil Nadu]]" will link as Tamil Nadu, like so. So go through and link any important terms/names (not everyday words like "monastery" or "scholar", but specific technical terms, places, etc.). Next, you need to find sourcing/citations to reputable academic or journalistic works. Fansites, devotional/religious sites, blogs, etc. do not count; you'll want to find articles from major newspapers, academic books, etc. I suggest you start at books.google.com and see if you can find any good academic works on religion which can verify some of the details of Giri's life. You also need to add a simple one-paragraph WP:Lede which gives a summary of the whole article, something like "Sri John Smith was born on XYZ date in X place, studied religion up until age 30 when he founded a monastery. He wrote over 40 books about yogic practices, and received an honorary doctorate from University of California. He died in 1998, but the monastery he founded still operates in Sikkim." Just a fictional example to give you an idea of what a lede is. Feel free to post back into this same discussion with any questions; you're off to a good start, you just need to back it up with reliable sourcing. MatthewVanitas (talk) 05:24, 2 May 2011 (UTC)

Lansdowne_College

Please review my newly created article regarding my independent sixth form college.

Sparkledust94 (talk) 19:12, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

centrifugal compressor i have completed a major rewrite. this is my first article.

Mkoronowski (talk) 23:21, 1 May 2011 (UTC)

• First of all, I must say that I am not an expert on the field so I will not bother with any factual errors that may or may not exist.

1. Please read the Manual of Style before doing a major edit. Among the style errors are the inclusion of figures, appeals to the reader (you), length, large number of pictures, and too few citations.
2. Please note that when you upload pictures, you must give a free-use rationale, otherwise the pictures can be deleted as copyright violations.
3. Information that you add should not be based only on your knowledge, even if you are an expert in the field. Verifiability is a key component in the creation of articles.
4. A lot of the information you've added does not belong in the main article space. A mini-biography of Aurel Stodola, for example, does not add to the article. Mentioning the important people in the development of centrifugal compressors (Wikilinking their names) and their contributions in a "History" section would be enough. Interested readers can follow the links to get more information about them.
5. Formulas. If they were published in a reliable source, they are probably acceptable for the article as long as they are shown to be intrinsically related to the article.
6. Don't go too in-depth. Wikipedia is not an indiscriminate collection of information. The amount of detail you've put into the article makes reading it a daunting task, and any casual readers will not bother.
7. Number of edits. You have perhaps fifty edits registered in developing that article. If you have major edits you are working on, it may be better to copy the article to userspace (at User:Mkoronowski/Centrifugal compressor perhaps) so that you can develop it in large edits without fear of edit conflicts. The fewer separate revisions you make to an article, the easier it is to compare previous revisions and track the development of the article.

You are very enthusiastic, which is good for editors. Don't be afraid to be bold and ignore rules when trying to improve the encyclopedia. However, don't forget to read the manual of style and Wikipedia's policies before doing any major edits. That way there, you won't have to worry about people deleting your hard work. Also, don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:50, 2 May 2011 (UTC)