Overall the images look pretty good. However, I feel that we could stand to lose at least one non-free file (there's already four in the article) — Crisco 1492 (talk) 05:57, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Apart from the album cover, which is a necessary non-free image, the music samples each illustrate something only two couldnt: the first shows the New Jack Swing influence on the album, the second seductive lyrics w/out braggadocio inherent in most of R&B, third classic Motown influences. Although there havent been many recent FA album articles to compare to, those like The Dark Side of the Moon and Achtung Baby have as much samples. Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Agreed about the album cover. I'm personally concerned about the number of song clips, but if consensus is that three is okay then I'm fine with that. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:25, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Prose comments by Crisco 1492
This may take a few days
"The album was produced entirely by the group, who worked with various session musicians and utilized both vintage and contemporary recording equipment in their production" - Perhaps a way to avoid duplicating "production", like "The album was produced entirely by the group, who worked with various session musicians and utilized both vintage and contemporary recording equipment."
Done
"In an interview for People," - Perhaps "In an interview with People magazine" to be clearer to non-US readers
I dont think that's proper MOS; the parenthetical dab usually stays in the link. Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
It's acceptable in some contexts. Remember that People is sometimes referred to as People magazine. It's not 100% necessary in this context, but I don't think people has as much of an international presence as Time or Rolling Stone. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:25, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The sentence reading "group recorded several songs for film soundtracks, including ..." and then this song for that, etc. is followed by those links, as they are also the names of the soundtrack titles, and the soundtracks are relevant to what is mentioned rather than the films. Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"guitarist and Raphael's brother D'wayne Wiggins" - this reads awkwardly to me. Perhaps something like Raphael's guitarist brother D'wayne"
Done (revised slightly, will "his brother guitarist D'wayne Wiggins" do?
"but ended up writing and recording what became most of the album for two months." - Two things. One, you earlier said that most of it was done in California. Second, the text is ambiguous. Perhaps "but instead spent two months writing and recording what became most of the album"
Where does it say earlier that most of it was done in California? Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Would this change be resolving what you were addressing? Dan56 (talk) 13:11, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I had read " In writing most of the album, Raphael and D'wayne came up with ideas for songs by playing guitar and a drum machine, and working them into compositions with Riley and Carl Wheeler, an unofficial member and in-studio keyboardist for the group." as implying that the album was mostly written in California (opening paragraph). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:25, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The second point is still unaddressed. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:13, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
This might definitely be useful for non-US users, as it's slang, but if wiktionary isnt appropriate...? Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No, Wiktionary is fine. I had thought "ho" had gone global (like "cool" or "okay"), but possibly not. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:25, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"and you can new jack swing on my nuts!" - Italics in the original?
The original article has it in italics. Dan56 (talk) 12:45, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That's it from me for today... very easy read. I've done a bit of a copyedit, be sure to check it. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 06:37, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Also, with regards to your changes, I thought geographical places shouldnt be linked, like cities, states. Or are those not considered major? (WP:MOS/Link) Dan56 (talk) 13:00, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
We could probably lose Hollywood, but I doubt most non-American readers have heard of Sacramento. I know I haven't heard of Port of Spain. For example, Albertus Soegijapranata, an article I plan to take to FAC in the near future, linking to the fairly major cities of Yogyakarta and Semarang is necessary because most readers wouldn't be aware of them — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:25, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Done
Well, on2nd thought, it wouldnt be consistent if one location is not linked followed by another linked in the same sentence. Dan56 (talk) 13:47, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Just a quick note, you shouldn't use the done templates here as it will cause slow-down at WP:FAC (bandwidth and all). Just a comment will be enough. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:49, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Careful with the overlinking, I see a couple magazines in the reception section that have been previously linked — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:01, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Delinked some of those. Dan56 (talk) 14:07, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"and each member pursued their own musical projects," - They are all male, right? Why not "and each member pursued his own musical projects,"
Mint Condition should be linked after the first mention (Janet. tour) and not in the legacy section
That's it... that was a surprisingly easy read. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:10, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Corrected. For the point about "in writing most of the album", I removed that phrase altogether to avoid confusion; it was a general statement about their process for the album, irregardless of where they were, L.A. or Trinidad. Dan56 (talk) 14:22, 7 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
