Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/2008 Hungarian Grand Prix/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 13:24, 6 April 2010 [1].

2008 Hungarian Grand Prix[edit]

Nominator(s): --Midgrid (talk) 21:53, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I believe it satisfies the criteria. It is also part of Apterygial (talk · contribs)'s Insane Idea to make 2008 Formula One season a featured topic; 2008 Monaco Grand Prix, 2008 Japanese Grand Prix and 2008 Brazilian Grand Prix are the articles which have already reached FA status in this series, and may be useful for comparison. --Midgrid (talk) 21:53, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment. Link to http://www.fia.com/en-GB/sport/championships/f1/hungary/Pages/race_classification.aspx is dead. No dab links; alt text is good (I made some edits), except that the lead image lacks functional alt text. I added a parameter |image-alt= to the infobox template for that. Ucucha 23:54, 15 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Fixed the link and added alt text (although I'm not sure how effective it is!).--Midgrid (talk) 16:23, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Comment. I find it surprising that there are no images of the race track, grandstands or any other specific local imagery in the article. Elekhh (talk) 01:48, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Unfortunately, only four freely licensed images are available from the Grand Prix. Of these, the consensus at WP:F1 was not to use the graphics in race report articles, the McLaren display car photo isn't relevant to the article, and the photo of Felipe Massa retiring from the race is already in there.--Midgrid (talk) 16:25, 16 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – Haven't gotten to the race recap itself yet, but am somewhat concerned with what I've seen so far. There is quite a bit of wordiness lurking in the article, along with some punctuation issues and a referencing concern. A copy-edit from someone new to the article may be worthwhile.

"It marked Kovalainen's first Formula One victory, which made him the sport's 100th driver to win a World Championship race, and it was also Glock's first podium finish." Some wordiness exists here with "it was also". These three words can easily be removed to make the prose tighter without changing the meaning at all.
Report: "Sebastian Vettel set the fastest time of the first day and second days". The first use of "day" should probably be removed to avoid a glaring redundancy in the prose, which causes a grammar error.
Reference 4 is to a Wikipedia article, which should not be considered a reliable source in general, let alone for an FA. If it's covered in a later reference, you could consider making this a seperate note.
"Amongst the other teams...". Usually, it's better to use simpler words when possible, such as "Among" in place of "Amongst".
The same goes for "whilst" a bit later; "while" would do just fine. This is something to be searched for throughout, as I see it on at least two occasions.
More wordiness exists in the form of "also", which should be used sparingly. In Background, I spotted at least four of them in a two-paragraph space. Please check whether these are all needed; the "and also"s usually aren't, from my experience.
Overlinking: there's no need to link something more than once in a section; anyone interested will have already clicked on the first link. In this section, I see repeated links to Force India and Bridgestone.
"That left him behind Kubica and Glock on the grid; the BMW Sauber driver achieving his competitive time despite handling problems that led him to describe his lap as his best so far of the season." The semi-colon should probably be a comma. Picky, but it's important to have punctuation spot-on in an FA. If you want to keep it, switch "achieving" to "achieved".
"his eleventh-best time of 1:20.131 just over a second of Massa's pace in the second session." "of" → "off".
Again, the semi-colon after "for impeding Heidfeld during the first part of qualifying" should probably be a comma. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 17:32, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- Many thanks for your comments so far. I believe I have addressed them, and I have also listed the article at the Guild of Copy Editors' requests page.--Midgrid (talk) 18:16, 27 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Comments
"The two championship protagonists commenced a battle for the lead that was resolved when Hamilton suffered" very writerly. Please ce. • Ling.Nut 17:27, 3 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- I've tweaked the wording, but I'm not sure exactly what you mean.--Midgrid (talk) 16:26, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.