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The New York City Record prefaces his returning to New York before discussing further developments like forming the label. I will keep as is to avoid WP:BLUELINK, and neither is grammatically incorrect. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
You are not supposed to add commas before things like this in the body unlike the lead, plus in this context "the" reads better and the second comma renders useless. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
According to this grammar guide, commas can be used to separate a noun from a non-restrictive phrase describing that noun. I have reworded it to "... found Strata-East Records, a New York-based independent record label, ..." isento (talk) 06:41, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah this version is fine, good job! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"embarked on their first tour of Japan" part is not sourced and the liner notes probably do not mention it as being their first tour in the country; correct me if I'm wrong
The liner notes do verify this. isento (talk) 01:17, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Reword the img text to being something of relevance, rather just mentioning it being a pic of Cowell
"led the quartet featuring" → "led the quartet, featuring"
"A 30-second sample with" → "A 30-second sample of "Effi", with" on the audio sample text
You still need to add the song title on the audio sample's text. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Might be me getting confused by re-wording, but does the AllMusic ref really mention everything cited for the first sentence of the second para?
Yes. "the Tokyo gig kicks from top to bottom ... full-tilt post-bop on Tolliver's 'Drought' that opens the set is a great example. 'Stretch,' ... full-on swinging mode."isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"kick[ing] from top to bottom", "full-tilt", and "full-on swinging mode" indicate the album is thoroughly uptempo, with the first two songs in particular. isento (talk) 02:16, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"and intensely-toned solo" → "and heavily-toned solo" or something similar, to be more encyclopaedic
The source uses "intense, parched tone". So the paraphrasing is accurate here. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
That is a review source though, so you should change to make the POV more neutral since "intensely" sounds like it indicates praise. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
I have changed it to "sharp-toned", which has a similar connotation and is used in other scholarly sources on jazz. isento (talk) 06:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Nice one, that is neutral and reads a lot better for sure! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"that led the quartet into" → "that led Music Inc. into"
Wikilink should be on block chords instead
[9] should not be at the end of the penultimate sentence, as it backs up both of the last two in this para
"Runs" is another word for "fills", in the context of jazz. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for informing me, never knew that before. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"Music Inc. performed" → "Music Inc. performed a cover version of" but it is not directly mentioned as an encore anywhere
Jurek suggests this, but I have added the Cook & Morton source, which says "encore", to the citation. isento (talk) 01:27, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Neat addition! --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Can you find a mention of any release date for the LP in Japan even if vague?
No. Not among reliable sources. There is a primary source in the LP packaging images at Discogs, but it does not even have a copyright year. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Attribute the Billboard review to Anon
"Anon." is a shorthand for "anonymous". It is not the reviewer's in-source title. isento (talk)
Mention the staff as reviewing the album then, as it is awkward to write that a publication itself was the reviewer. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
That would be no less incorrect, as staff means all the employees. The current phrasing also appears in high-quality music sources ([[1], [2]). Other variations appear as well ([3], [4]). isento (talk) 06:51, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
These are not on an encyclopaedia, though; I have added "a writer" here because we do not know their real identity. --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
"The magazine praised the trumpeter's" → "Anon praised the trumpeter's"
"of the quartet's performances" → "of Music Inc.'s performances"
""'Round Midnight". But he ultimately found" → ""'Round Midnight", but ultimately found" because the former sentence is too short and it is also awkward to start a sentence with the word "but"
Writing guides such as this one approve of starting sentences with the word "but". And in this case, this separates the critic's positive idea in one sentence and a negative in the other, while avoiding a run-on. isento (talk) 02:03, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Shouldn't the top line specify that they are all written by him except where noted?
This is indicated by the phrase composition, which means a written piece of music. Adding "written by" would be slightly redundant. Book sources on compositions use the same phrasing. isento (talk) 02:05, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Are you sure Anon is an author for as many of the sources as currently listed?
The shorthand indicates no credited author for the source and is used merely as a placeholder for the function of citation-style consistency. isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Cite AllMusic as publisher instead and only wikilink on the first instance
Both WP:CS1 and Template:Cite web say not to use that parameter "for the name of a work (e.g. a website ...)" isento (talk) 02:12, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you. I have made the requisite changes and responded above otherwise. isento (talk) 02:14, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Isento Nice to see you having replied so quickly; there are still a few more things that need fixing and I pointed them out above. --K. Peake 06:33, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
Isento Very good responses the second time round too, always a pleasure to see this. ✓Pass now and this review has seen your best response yet, truth be told! --K. Peake 07:46, 19 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]
On hold until all of the issues are fixed, but interesting to see you nominate a live album for once! --K. Peake 19:36, 18 February 2021 (UTC)